The Rite of Handfasting

 Handfasting: 

The Ancient Rite of Binding Hearts

Handfasting is one of the oldest and most beautiful forms of marriage or commitment ceremony in the world. Long before wedding rings, licenses, or white dresses, lovers declared themselves to each other by literally tying their hands together with a cord or ribbon while speaking vows beneath the open sky.

The word itself comes from Old Norse handfesta (“to strike a bargain by joining hands”) and Anglo-Saxon handfæstung (“betrothal”). It was the original “tying the knot.”

Historical Roots

•  Practised across Celtic Britain and Ireland, Scotland, northern England, Scandinavia, and parts of Germanic Europe from at least the Iron Age.

•  In pre-Christian times it was the standard way to formalise a marriage. The Christian church later tolerated it for centuries because many people lived far from clergy.

•  There were three traditional lengths of handfasting:

1.  A year and a day – a “trial marriage.” After that time the couple could renew permanently or part as friends with no shame.

2.  A lifetime – until death do us part.

3.  For all eternity – including past, present, and future lives (still popular among Pagans today).

The Classic Elements of a Traditional Handfasting

The Circle
The ceremony almost always takes place inside a cast circle (sacred space). In ancient times this might simply have been a ring of stones or a grove of oaks.

Calling the Quarters & Inviting the Elements
Earth, Air, Fire, Water (and sometimes Spirit) are welcomed to witness and bless the union.

 

The Hands
The couple faces each other. Their right hands are clasped (heart to heart), then their left hands are clasped over the top, forming the infinity symbol ∞. This is called “the oath posture.”

The Cord(s)
A cord, ribbon, or cloth in colours of personal meaning is draped loosely in a figure-eight around the joined hands.
Common colour meanings:

•  Red – passion, strength

•  White – purity, unity

•  Blue – loyalty, tranquillity

•  Green – fertility, growth

•  Gold or silver – prosperity and divine blessing
Many couples braid three cords (Maiden, Mother, Crone or past, present, future).

The Vows
While their hands are bound, each partner speaks promises. These can be traditional, modern, or written by the couple themselves.
Classic example (Scottish): “Ye are blood of my blood, and bone of my bone.
I give ye my body, that we two might be one.
I give ye my spirit, till our life shall be done.”

The Binding
The officiant pulls the cord tight (but not painfully) and ties a knot while saying words such as:
“As this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound.
By the weaving of hands and the speaking of hearts,
May you be forever one.”

 The Kiss
The couple must lean in for their first kiss while still literally tied together – often to much laughter and cheering.

  Loosening, Not Untying

The cord is slipped off without untying the knot (symbolising that the bond cannot be easily broken). The knotted cord is kept as a treasured keepsake.

Jumping the Broom (optional)
Many couples end by jumping the besom together, combining the two great folk rites of union.

Modern Handfasting (Pagan, Wiccan, and Eclectic)

Today handfasting has been joyfully revived by Pagans, Wiccans, Druids, Heathens, and secular couples who simply love its beauty. It is legally recognised in Scotland, Ireland, and many U.S. states if performed by a registered officiant. Elsewhere it is a spiritual commitment ceremony (often paired with a civil marriage).

Popular modern twists:

•  Using six or even nine cords, each representing a different wish (love, trust, passion, laughter, adventure, etc.).

•  Having family members or bridal party hold and present each cord with a blessing.

•  “Infinity binding” where the couple’s hands are wrapped in a continuous loop with no beginning or end.

•  LGBTQ+ couples often choose it because it was never gendered in its ancient form.

•  Renewal of vows on anniversaries – many couples retie their original cord every year or every seven years.

After the Ceremony

The knotted handfasting cord is usually framed, kept under the matrimonial bed, or hung above the hearth. Some traditions say it should be burned together on the seventh anniversary and replaced with a new binding.

Handfasting, at its core, is a ceremony that says:

“We choose each other freely, consciously, and with all our being – not because law or church demands it, but because our souls have already said yes.”

Whether spoken beneath an ancient oak, on a windswept cliff, or in a candlelit living room, the simple act of binding two hands with loving intention remains one of the most powerful pieces of magic two people can ever perform together.

Taken at The Grove’s Handfasting